“I am ambidextrous, I can do things with one hand or the other at times.I am also extremely clumsy and I cannot read instructions. I just follow my intuition.I just follow my intuition. I guess my creativity surfaces like that.
Over the last few years, I have lost all members of my immediate family. It has been a trying time because I was living so far away, I feel a lot of guilt about that. I couldn’t phantom why this was happening to me. I was always the strong one, the one everybody relied upon yet I was the one that had cancer and that nobody asked how she ever felt. It was quite bizarre, the expectations that were placed onto me.
I also started to question where I was coming from. Asked a few questions around. Did not know anything at all about my family history, was never interested in it. A pattern started to emerge. It was a bit daunting. From one side of the family to the other, things were not what they were supposed to be. I had to dig a bit more from my Mum’s side – things remain, to this day, unclear – Although I caught her “in full flight” one day nothing has ever been admitted.
From my Dad’s side things were easier, I could make more sense, my grandfather left my Dads Mum when he was very young and his Mum died when he was 14.He was then brought up by his grandparents. I had noticed how anxious Dad was all the time. I came to the conclusion that he was suffering from abandonment and had passed that onto me.
His grandmother was a person that worked really hard all her life with hardly any sleep at all. I also found out that she had a few mental problems – in other words was probably a schizophrenic -
This really hit me hard because one of my immediate family member was also diagnosed as a schizophrenic (by taking drugs).
I have never forgotten the day that person came to tell me that when he was on drugs they could see people’s soul. I still have goose pimples as I am typing this. I knew then that what was being said was the truth.
I still did not know about the conditions. I was very concerned and I approached the doctor on several occasions to do something about it. The Doctors hands are tied.There is nothing they can do about it as that person was
an adult. One night in bed, I was reading a Time magazine’s article and this is what I wanted to hear – I then knew that that person was suffering from either bi-polar or schizophrenia. The use of Omega 3 was also mentioned in that article.
Then came the night where that person stayed with us, with the beanie over the head and that fragile body that could not hold itself together – it was real agony – You felt so helpless – then trying to convince that person that they had to go to have something done , etc, etc.
I came onto Paulo Coelho’s blog after clicking through the T.V. on a boring Sunday afternoon (I get bored very easily especially if I don’t do anything that interests me). I saw a man dressed in black in Iran and I heard a couple of words like a “mental institution”. I had never heard of Paulo Coelho before. I did not get the name right either. I typed something on the computer, nothing came out,then a few months after the name re-appeared – Could have been an interview during the war in Iran – I’m not sure – Anyway, I got the name right. He had written a book “The Alchemist” What was that? No idea and I couldn’t care less anyhow at the time.
So I looked through the site and I sort of watched what was going on – that’s my way of doing things -
I liked what I saw, it appealed to me and it was just what I needed at that time. I remembered , I think the first time (and that really amused me) because he got really quite cranky about it – something to do with the Pirate Coelho’s bit -
Anyway, I posted something about that. It was , as I recalled the first time I ever typed something on that site.
It was quite unnerving because he is asking all these questions however does
not say anything about what his thoughts are. Hummm. I could not understand what all this was about. Although you had the sense that somebody was watching at time.
I liked the style Paulo writes and it suited mine too – short sentences -
Anyhow, time went pass and towards the end of last year, I had my”Aha moment” (Oprah – my twin sister), Boy oh boy that was quite something.
I kept reading everything I could about that man. I was and still am addicted to that site, although I am trying hard to tone it down.
Then I knew I had to take some steps as I reached a very dangerous path – the path of “no return” I decided to go ahead with it because it was important to me. I knew that this could be a big thing.
I went “loopy”. When I looked back over all my life it had been filled with high emotions, confusion and depression. I could not fit anywhere and I felt isolated all of my life.
The reason for me taking that course of action was because of what happened to that V.I.P. person. I am against
taking pills for anti-depression and I believed in my own mind that you can beat depression through a more approachable way.
I read the first book of Pr D. Servan- Schreiber “Guerir” “Healing” and I liked his way of thinking. I could not have done this without the help of my other half and the guidance from Paulo. I went along with this, it was quite hard at times, quite comical at others very trying – not recommended for the fainted hearted.
I am now convinced that you can beat the beast and I am proof of it. You might think “Gee, she fancies herself.” and that is okay by me.
The suffering of that V.I.P. was enough to keep me going because I don’t want this to happen to any young people anymore and I feel the medical Authority should start listening and be pro-active about that.
We are allowing a generation of young adults to become vegetables and are doing absolutely nothing about – I believe this to be criminal -”

I think we have lost the plot and it is about time we brought this important subject to light. Sometimes I think the asylum is the outside world not the other way around.

Love and peace

Marie-Christine